June 23, 2015

Autism and Envy

As I scroll through Facebook, I somtimes feel a pang of jealousy hit me when I least expect it.  I don't want to feel this way, and the truth is I usually don't.  But, sometimes...I do.

I see your family vacation to Disney.  Your daughter in Minnie Mouse ears beaming at the camera.

I see your adorable kids in baseball uniforms running the bases.

I see kids years younger than Brandon forming words and sentences that he can only say in my dreams.

We do our own things.  We can't go to Disney, but we do go to the lake and ride jet skis.  We have a blast in the sand and sun when we go to the beach.  Brandon can't be on a baseball team right now, but he is in dance class.  He just loves dance and music.  Brandon doesn't talk, but it's amazing how we can communicate with each other without words.

I love your families.  I love your children.  I would do anything for you.

I can't help but envy you sometimes.  There are things you do on a daily basis that are not in the realm of possibility for my family right now.  On the other hand, I do also feel sorry for you because you don't get to witness all of the incredible things my son does, and you don't get his super comfy snuggles. :)

I wouldn't trade my son for anything on this planet.  I write this as I watch him stare out the window trying to calm him self down post-meltdown.

I just want him to be happy and to have every opportunity that he wants.





17 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. It is hard. I think the one that always gets me is seeing the posts of 10-month-old babies with captions like, "Somebody just said 'I love you'!"
    ...We are actually planning a trip to Disney later this summer...now I am a bit nervous. :-/ They are supposed to be very accommodating of special needs families, so we'll see! Maybe we can be the test run for you guys. :-)

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    1. I can't wait to hear how it goes! We actually have a Disney trip from a live auction at an autism fundraiser, but are considering using it towards somewhere else. When are you going?

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  2. There is always someone looking at you too, friend, with longing for just a day of their child being able to walk independently, to be able to feed themselves, to ride a jet ski...

    I've learned along the way that GOD is the author of our story. It's about HIM and HIM alone. Doesn't take the longing away for our children to do more at times...but I'm working on making my longings more about being like Him and waiting on heaven. It's going to be glorious!!! Our kids all playing together and running, laughing and talking!!!! :) What a day!

    Love your heart and honesty. Truly.

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    1. We all have our own obstacles, but we also have our own things to be thankful for. Thank you so much for your encouragement!

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  3. Thank you for this today

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  4. hi rachel. im 16 have autism. i hate crowds and strangers. i love freddie mercury the singer in queen and will say he sings just for me. i can talk but if i get upset or scared its hard for me to tell you why when i get upset or scared we'll play queen to calm me down. or if i just say freddie. my favorite song is bohemian rhapsody i will play it 500 times over and over.

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    1. I am so glad you commented! Brandon loves music too. Sometimes used to play "Timber" by Kesha when he was upset and he would instantly calm down. Now I play that song called "Honey I'm Good." He gets hooked on popular songs on the radio. I can't wait to see what he's interested in when he's a bit older. Are there things other than music that you turn to to clam down sometimes?

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    2. not since i heard freddie mercury. i like to sing with freddie and try to copy him.

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    3. I will have to play some Queen for Brandon!

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  5. im sure he'd like it. what kind of music does brandon like?

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    1. Right now he's just into whatever is popular on the radio at the time. I think it mostly has to do with hearing music he recognizes.

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    2. i just like queen. if you turn off a queen cd i get mad.

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  6. I seriously feel like I could have written this post myself - I've had the hardest time not comparing my son to all the other kiddos his age. It's such a struggle seeing the other kids do things that he can't. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels a ping of jealous sometimes!

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    1. You're definitely not the only one! It's so hard not to do sometimes.

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