February 19, 2015

The Hardest Part About Autism

I'm frequently asked where Brandon is on the spectrum.  You know, like can he talk?  Or is he a genius?  The truth is, I have no idea.  I am hopeful that he will be verbal.  I am hopeful that he will be able to engage in meaningful conversion.  I am hopeful that he will be in a general education Kindergarten classroom.  I am hopeful that he will be surrounded by friends who love and accept him for who he is.  He is only three-and-a-half.  I can't be certain of any of these things.  I have been wondering when my son will talk for more than two years.  Every single day, I wonder.  Waiting.  Trying to wait patiently.

The hardest part about autism isn't other people, it isn't the meltdowns, it isn't the expenses, the therapy appointments, or the paperwork. 

The hardest part about autism is the unknown.

If you're a parent, you remember being ecstatic about every new thing your baby did.  The first time he held a toy phone up to his ear and pretended to talk to someone.  The first time he said "mama," or "I love you."  You remember teaching him his ABC's, hearing him request the same movie for the billionth time, or rolling a ball back and forth.  I am still waiting for all of these things.

Don't get me wrong, Brandon does a lot of other things that I am very thankful for; and he does have his own way of communicating.  It's a lot of hard work, but he's made a lot of accomplishments.  His eye contact is pretty fantastic, he picks up on things very quickly once he's taught, he is very affectionate, he loves to be read to, and he loves to dance.  He also goes to bed when I tell him it's time for bed, and he actually stays in his bed until he falls asleep.  I am so proud of the strides he's made.  This doesn't mean I'm some autism super-mom, by the way.  Another autism mom could do everything the exact same way I have, and yield completely different results.

So, that's it folks.  The hardest part about autism - at least the season we're in now - is having so many unanswered questions.


  1. Perfectly said, thank you

  2. I know I mourned the unknown and not knowing what to do. Well said!

    1. Thank you! With Brandon only being 3, we have a lot of unknown at this stage.

  3. Great read! My daughter has cerebral palsy...the hardest part about CP is the unknown as well. Will she talk, walk, crawl, feed herself? Will she forever be 100% dependent on me for everything? The unknown is definitely the hardest part. <3


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